You know how they say that in 6 months, you’re gonna be in a completely different situation and mostly it is not what you’d expect? Well, it’s really happening to me right now.
I’m into the 8th month of online school, and two more months until the feared oral examinations, which I am not confident with, at all. It’s really scaring me a lot, because my life depends on it. It will determine if we will go to 4th year or not. But I take comfort knowing that probably none of my batchmates are confidently ready for it as well. But we never know, maybe I’m the only one who’s not ready. But I hope I’m wrong.
Anyway, I moved into a small apartment last month, and let me tell you that it was the best thing that happened this year, so far. You see, I was drowned in deep anxiety and pestered by my low-threshold irritability at home due to the build up of undesirable circumstances that really affected my studies, and moving out really took that thorn out of my flesh in an instant. But the following weeks were kinda disappointing, but still lesson-bearing.
During my first week in my new room, I had two pimples on my forehead. I’ve never had acne all my life, and I don’t really have a skincare routine so I was just cool about it because I know they’ll just disappear and so I just let those pimples be. But over the next few days, more pimples were appearing each day, until it was already looking bad. I went to the local beauty store to buy that acne spot gel I used to use years back which would really get rid of random pimples overnight to 2 days max. I applied it regularly every morning and night, but a week later, the pimples still wouldn’t stop growing! My forehead became a disaster and it made me so insecure and depressed. Going out to buy food didn’t feel nice at all. I had to cover my forehead with my bangs just so it wouldn’t look obvious. It’s really embarrassing. I tried another product which had better ingredients and a few pimples disappeared in a few days. I thought that was going to be the end of it but no—my skin broke out again, and this time more and more were added to my acne gallery (lol).
One day, I noticed that some black-ish spots looking like faint little molds were growing on the walls of my room. They were also in the bathroom, and I noticed some moisture going on on the ceiling as well. I googled it and apparently it was due to poor ventilation, and yes I realized that my room did have poor ventilation because I always kept my windows closed even during the day. There was literally no opening for air to come in. I didn’t even use the electric fan at night because I was concerned about saving electricity, because back in my med school dorm, my goal was always to pay less than P300 for electricity. You’ll probably think I’m stupid for realizing that a little bit late, but it is what it is. See, this is my first time living in a room as beautiful and clean as this and I honestly didn’t know about how to maintain it (lol). I was just used to weaved bamboo and wood walls back home, and my dorm room had an open vent. Also, this room wasn’t really occupant-ready yet—it has no vents at all. The owner is my dad’s friend, so he just agreed to let me stay for the meantime, and I am eternally grateful, because he gave it to me for only half the price of its worth, inclusive of electricity already. So see how stupid I was, compromising my skin for electricity which I can always pay as long as I have my sponsors.
I realized that maybe it was the high humidity that was worsening my breakouts, and so I started opening my windows for the whole day everyday, and I did see an improvement on my forehead. But I guess it was a little too late, because my once flawless and carefree skin was now a dirty canvas. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it’s how I see it. 😂 I’m still having pimples right now, on my 4th week of treatment and I really hope it’s going to be gone at least before I go back to the great city for face to face classes. I’m gonna update you soon about this acne story of mine.
But wait, it doesn’t end there! See, I’ve been overconfident about my weight (which was 48 kilos before I went home for quarantine). I’ve been struggling to gain weight all my life, and it was during med school days that I finally gained weight and people would say that I looked good in it. And then quarantine happened, I had to go home, a year has elapsed and and all this time I believed that I still looked the same as the year before. I really thought I lost maybe only 3 kilos, but whenever I went out of the house and met people along the way, they were starting to tell me “Woah, you’re becoming so skinny! What happened? Are your parents even feeding you? Are you that stressed?” Trust me, it hurts as much as being told that you’ve become so fat. I know we should love our bodies, but sometimes we just wanna look and feel good, right? Those comments really hurt me, because all this time I thought I was still at 45-48 kg. But when I checked, I was back at 40—my pre-medicine days weight. Then I realized that I was indeed stressed, and I rarely ate breakfast at home. I didn’t snack that much as well. So now, I’m struggling again to regain what I lost, and it’s not easy I’m telling you. But I really hope I could look decent soon enough. If you’re struggling in gaining or losing weight (or getting rid of those zits), know that you’re not alone, and I’m rooting for you as well! It won’t be easy, but let’s just trust the process. We can do this!
So yeah, I end this post saying that change is indeed inevitable, but I guess we just have to go on and make the most of every step of this journey that we are in. What’s important is that we acknowledge what we have been missing out, and do something about it. That’s what were here for.
That’s all! Goodnight and stay safe and healthy!